I am so proud to be a huge fan of someone so fantastic.

Libba Bray (author of the Gemma Doyle series [which everyone should read]) wrote something beautiful about Proposition 8 in her journal. It can be read here: libba-bray.livejournal.com/48582.html

I've been feeling so sad about the whole thing today. It's really getting to me. I am ashamed of my country. I've never loved it. I have never, ever been proud to be an American. But it's just so much harder than it was before, now. I can't feel okay, not when horrible people like rapists and murderers are given basic rights and we're not. I am basically being told, and people like me are being told, that we are less than those people who don't even deserve to be alive. And it's all because of a book that I feel shouldn't even be held so high like it is. People should not have their rights taken away, should not fight for them and be sometimes KILLED, because of a fucking book. I don't have a problem with people being religious - until it hurts someone. But it usually does, whether it's someone like me or a poor girl just wanting an abortion because she doesn't feel ready or able to take care of a child. Please don't get me wrong, though... I know there are plenty of religious people who are really great and accepting. It's not those people that I'm upset with.

I'm proud to be a lesbian, and I won't ever feel ashamed now that I've grown into this and myself. But I am still feeling really bad about everything surrounding who I am. No, I don't wish to be different. I just wish things were easier. I hate that we have this battle ahead of us, and this wondering if we will ever win it, just because of who we are. So many of us are compassionate, loving, kind people.

Hey, LJ friends. I left one of my CD's in Pennsylvania that I really miss. Joni Mitchell's Blue. If any of you have it... please? :p I'll give you something in return! <3

A Donnie Darko sequel. :/ We both feel very uneasy and kind of upset about it. But I added it to Netflix because I'm curious.

It sounds like it will be awful. Have any of you actually seen it?

www.imdb.com/title/tt1231277/

Tonight, I am going dumpster diving for the very first time. We're going with Erin, after Cat gets off work. Erin's picking me up to meet Cat in about fifteen minutes.

I'm a little nervous about getting in trouble, getting something gross on me, etc. but mostly I'm excited. :D John Michael from Starbucks said Barnes & Noble throws books in their dumpsters! Why would anyone do that? It's such a waste. But if we find books in ours, then hooray from them being mean to books. We also want to go to Michael's. All three of us are crafty.

Sorry I've been such a bad LJ friend. Finals are the week after next, and this coming week, I have my last tests. I have a long paper to write. I researched for hours today, but I didn't start my paper yet. I'm starting it tomorrow. Anyway, sorry I haven't been commenting, I really just haven't had much time to come on here lately. I'll get better once school is over.

My job isn't too awful so far. I started training yesterday and my trainer says I'm catching on really quickly. I can only train on Fridays because no one is there to train on weekends, so it will be a week or two before I start working normally. But that's good since school is crazy.

Everything good is coming up so fast. It's already started. I have a job, Aunt Bev and Uncle Den are visiting on the third week of next month, we're moving in with Erin and James on June first, and Mom, Gram, and Pap are visiting starting on June 13, I believe. And Cat and I are doing really great. It's all so good now. Plus, I have awesome friends. :D

Wish us luck tonight! I hope we find good stuff.

<33

Libba Bray, one of my favorite writers, is going to be in PITTSBURGH soon. And I won't. :( I'm so disappointed. Jas or Kim, if you're going anywhere near the Carnegie Library on Thursday (or feel like doing it just for me, lol, which you totally should XD), she is SIGNING THINGS. I want a signed book! Gah.

This is too unfair and sad for words. She'll never come to South Carolina. I LOVE HER!

Does anyone have The Smashing Pumpkins' Siamese Dream?

Thanks :D

ERIN!

I uploaded Ani songs to the Zune program. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they have a folder on my computer, though I thought it did. :(

I'm going to give you a list of the albums I / we suggest, because maybe you can find them. But I will upload the ones we have later this week. <33

Self-titled album
Canon (greatest hits)
Not a Pretty Girl
Evolve

She has other good ones, but those are the best ones, in my opinion.

Sorry I'm taking forever. XD

With the money I get from my family for Christmas... I'm pretty certain I will be paying for my next tattoo. I want another one so badly! I feel bad for spending mostly all of my Christmas money on one thing, but really, what else would I spend it on? I know we're kind of broke, but I'm definitely not spending my Christmas money on something like groceries.

Anyway, I know what I want. It's lyrics from an Ani DiFranco song called The Slant. I'm posting the lyrics, and the part that I want on me is bolded.

the slant
a building settling around me
my figure female framed crookedly
in the threshold
of the room
door scraping floorboards
with every opening
carving a rough history
of bedroom scenes
the plot hard to follow
the text obscured
in the folds of sheets
slowly gathering the stains
of seasons spent lying there
red and brown
like leaves fallen
the colors of an eternal cycle
fading with the
wash cycle
and the rinse cycle
again an unfamiliar smell
like my name misspelled
or misspoken
a cycle broken
the sound of them strong
stalking talking about their prey
like the way hammer meets nail
pounding, they say
pounding out the rhythms of attraction
like a woman was a drum like a body was a weapon
like there was something more they wanted
than the journey
like it was owed to them
steel toed they walk
and i'm wondering why this fear of men
maybe it's because i'm hungry
and like a baby i'm dependent on them
to feed me
i am a work in progress
dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding
offering me intricate patterns of questions
rhythms that never come clean
and strengths that you still haven't seen


I wanted something empowering, and those lyrics are so empowering to me. I want a wrist tattoo most of all, but I'm tiny and that's kind of longer, so I might have to get them somewhere else. I want to get them small, but I can only get them so small before all of the words would bleed together. If I can't get them on my wrist, which will probably be the case, I'm thinking of getting them on my side. Like, on my waist? Something like that. I know those are lyrics that will always mean something to me. I'm going to get them in the font that the lyrics are in in Ani's book.

What do you guys think?

Vanessa / crowmophasis:


I'm going to start on your scarf within the next week or so, probably. Sorry it's going to be finished after it's already started snowing there! So, I've picked out a few patterns that I think I'm capable of doing. I'm going to post pictures of scarves, and I'd like if you would tell me your first and second choices of the ones I post. If you don't like any of them, let me know and I'll show you the site I'm on so you can look for yourself. Of course, just pay attention to what the pattern of the scarf is and not the color, because I already chose your color. I... forgot what turquoise looked like and I walked around with Cat and Jenny asking, Is that it? This? And they finally pointed it out to me and we found some nice, soft yarn for you. :)

Okay!
( Yay <3 )


Sorry that was so long! At least you have a lot to choose from, haha.

Anyone want to upload Amanda Palmer's album for me? :p

I'll upload something for you in return!

<3

Anyone have Ani's new CD, Red Letter Year?

If so... PLEASE upload it for me? XD It just came out today and I'm practically dying because I want it so bad!

Um, thanks, love you, bye.

I've always loved taking pictures, but I want to get more into photography now.

What's a digital camera that's good for beginners, but that will also be good for me when I'm more advanced?

Thanks! 

All of these pictures are from a really fun day. First, we started out at Build-A-Bear, where I celebrated my first paycheck ever by making Delilah the bear. Then we went to Brookgreen Gardens, which is this really beautiful place (the most beautiful I've ever seen) filled with statues and trees and flowers. And a small zoo! It was one of the best days ever. :)

I haven't heard  back from the bookstore. So I'm guessing the background check didn't go through, again. I told the manager how they fixed it last time, but she didn't listen and did it the way she wanted. Which obviously didn't work out. I'm so stressed, because I really wanted to work there and the background check place keeps saying my SS number doesn't match my name. I KNOW my number, and I've read it right off of my card. So, if this doesn't work out, it looks like I'm stuck at KMart for now.

I told the manager there, Joyce, about mom and gram visiting next month for five days. She said she didn't want me training only to leave soon after. Like they come on the tenth and this was a week ago. Training doesn't take that long and it can't be that hard to remember! But whatever. She asked me if I wanted to start working after they visited, so I didn't protest. I wanted to give the bookstore more time so maybe I wouldn't have to work at KMart at all, just go straight to BAM. Oh well. This is what it takes to keep me here. It's worth it.

Since I had so much time off, I came up with the idea that I visit home for two weeks instead of mom and gram visiting me here for five days. But mom and gram still wanted to get away to the beach, so mom said that she could fly me to PA soon and I could ride back down to MB with them, so we could all get what we wanted.

So I'm leaving for PA on FRIDAY. :O Cat's not coming with me, but gah, I wish she was... I'm going to miss her a ton. We're driving back to MB on the ninth and getting here on the tenth. Mom and Gram will be here for five days and then I start work soon after they leave. I'm missing out on a lot of Cat time this way. But I do still want to visit home. I miss my family a lot. And Cat and I are doing really great, so it's not like I am leaving something bad and will have to worry the whole time. I can leave something good to visit my family and come back to something good. I'll just miss her, that's all. I'm so glad to see everyone soon! I can see all of my family, and Phoebe. Phoebe wants to go to the fair, but I don't know when the fair starts. Jas or Kim, do you know? And my puppy!! I GET TO SEE ANGEL! And I'm so excited to see Brooklyn again, and hopefully Kaylee, and Jas and Kim. Maybe I'll spend the night at Aunt Lori's for a night or two like I used to. Mom isn't going to be off in the time that I'm actually visiting PA. But I get to see everyone else. I miss my gram a ton! I'm going to be home for a pretty long time. I am really excited.

It will be weird to be home again, though. I don't really think of it as a home, but as a past home. Which is what it is... Sometimes, for some people, home is always where you grew up and where your family is. But this is my home, here with Cat. As much as I miss my family, it will always, always be harder to be away from her. But that doesn't mean I'm not totally excited just to visit. :D I want to take as many pictures as possible. I hope we can have a cookout or something sometime during the time I'm there. I miss everyone getting together at gram's.

Even though I'll miss Cat, I know I'm going to have a good time. I know I'll call her while I'm gone, and that I'm not even gone for that long. And even though I'm dreading my job, it's part of what's getting Cat and I to where we want to be. And if I don't find another one this year, I definitely will find another one at the beginning of next year, like March or April. That's the best time to find a job, and I didn't even have a hard time in July, when it's not as easy. Even though I don't want to work there... I get to be here with Cat and that's what matters more than anything. I'm just going to be happy. I've been trying so hard, and I've had bad times along with the good but I'm still fine. So I'm not just going to give up.

I am pretty happy. Today we're going to see Batman. And I'm getting a haircut. Cat needs one, because we brushed her dreads out and I swear, she lost half of her hair. I miss the dreads, but her curly hair is super pretty too. She really is so pretty. This morning, I woke up before the alarm went off, and looked over and she was so beautiful lying there. I got all dumb and smiley. Just being around her means that I will always have a great life.

I called Claire's yesterday. Amber answered and I explained the whole situation to her, and told her that we had to move out that day. She said she didn't mind if I couldn't go in, but she would have to call Lynn and see what she had to say about it.

She said that if I didn't go in yesterday, I didn't ever have to go back at all. I told her I would be in, then. But I talked to Cat after, and she said that if I was going to be gone in a month anyway, one more month really wouldn't make much of a difference, and I could quit if I wanted to. Because I knew that if working there for another month made a difference, she would tell me to keep working there, I called back and told Amber to tell Lynn I quit.

When Terri was upset and crying one day because she let her fifteen year old son drop out of school and he got arrested, Lynn came in and covered her shift when she was leaving in just another hour anyway. When Amber yelled and stomped her feet like a five year old because she didn't want to close by herself, Lynn made me work when I really wasn't needed. When I call and say that we couldn't afford rent so we have to move out ASAP so we aren't forced to pay for this month, and I say that I have to help move out, she says I will be fired if I don't come in.

It wasn't worth it. Lynn is a bitch. And I'm tired of Amber's crap.

Wow, I haven't been here in forever. :/

But I needed to. Because Jasmine, I need your address. I don't know your home one. :/ I started your letter (and it's long so far), so it's not like it's done yet, but I'll need it when it is. And I should have/know it anyway.

Also, Vanessa/k, I need yours too. Your letter is coming after Jasmine's!

Quick update? I think I found a better job, complete with a hyper ex-hippie manager. ^_^ It's called Sports Spectacular, which is definitely not a Brittany-sounding thing... But they have beach wear, including some really cute dresses. And it's much more laid-back than Claire's. I'm sure when I start, Gina isn't going to make me practice screaming sales across the store (like Lynn, the Claire's manager, did).

Cat asked Gina if she was hiring and said her girlfriend wanted a job, and Gina said she could only start me out at $7.50, and if that's okay she can work me into the schedule, all I need to do is fill out some paperwork. But, me being me, I refuse to totally believe I have this job until I fill out the papers (which Gina didn't have when I went to get them, but she said she will soon). Hopefully I can start soon. I know I have the job already, but ugh, I just don't want to be disappointed so I'm not going to let myself be fully excited until I fill out the papers.

But I am still verrry excited already!

Things are going very, very well. The only part my life I don't really like is my job, and I am most likely getting a better one soon. Cat and I are doing great. I'm still having anxiety problems, and that sucks a lot, but she knew they wouldn't go away completely just because I moved here. She's being wonderful. We haven't really had many problems, and definitely no serious ones.

We went on a date a while back to the most beautiful place I've ever seen. Brookgreen Gardens. It was so pretty there, tons of flowers and trees and statues. Scary lizards. :| I took TONS of pictures, and I'm going to upload them soon. But for now, here are a few pictures we took while we were still in PA together.



I really love the first one.

Mom, Gram, and either Pap or my aunt Melissa are visiting me on August 9th, and they're staying for a week! I'm really excited to see them, and that they get to be here for so long, but... They're staying with us. I don't know where they're all going to sleep. Our couch folds out into a bed, but not for three people! I don't want to give up our bed. XD But of course I will, if I have to. Anyway, I'm super excited about seeing them. I really do miss my family a lot. They are bringing... ANGEL! Oh my gosh, I miss puppy so much. She's going to be her to stay. :D I'm so excited to be living with her again soon.

I can't sleep. :|

But I don't really feel typing anymore, so I'm going to go find something else to do. I love and miss you guys. <3

Dear Cat,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your sister. I think I realized it last year in your apartment and I saw you knock out my best friend. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that I'm allergic to your hamster. I'm returning your old lottery coupons to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the incarnation as an eskimo.
Greetings to your freaky family,
Brittany.


( how-to )

I'm assuming we're not friends since you haven't replied to my explanatory email. Which is fine, because it eventually has to be, but I still wish you'd let me know so I didn't have to assume.

And I'm actually guessing you're not the only one who doesn't want to be friends. Maybe I'm guessing wrong, but that's the way it seems, kind of.

So... Whoever doesn't want to be friends with me, delete me from here, please, because if you're not a part of my life anymore, you shouldn't be reading anything I write. Whoever does want to work on being better friends, you could tell me that, too.

If you don't think the post is for you, it's not. But, I'm deleting you tomorrow at midnight if I don't get a reply. I'm not trying to throw you out of my life, because I DO want you in it. I'm just tired of not knowing anymore after having tried, or while I still am trying, and you have to understand that. I love you both, but I'm sure all three of us know that you can only go through this for so long.

Cat and I JUST bought our tickets! She's coming here on May 12th and we're leaving together on the 15th.

I AM SO EXCITED!! <3

^_^